Friday, January 9, 2015

Visits are Important

My sweet sensitive girls amaze me.
At 2 1/2 Flower has started asking when we will see Mommy Sun.
At almost 7 Tinkerbell hurts every time we have a visit with Mommy Sun because she misses her own birth mom.

We have been having a hard time with visits with Mommy Sun lately. In Dec we tried to have two visits because we asked to skip November because of Tinkerbell's school break. That was apparently the turning point.

Dec 8th was our first scheduled visit. 6:15 am I got a text saying she couldn't make it. We rescheduled for the 15th. That visit happened.
We set the next one for the 29th and planned to meet at the mall to take pictures together and then go back to her sisters to open gifts. That didn't happen. But we made it all the way to the mall (about 90 minutes from our home) before it was cancelled so the girls knew we were meeting her. They were both hurt. Tinkerbell couldn't understand why Mommy Sun couldn't get there and why we couldn't get her. We tried explaining that she hasn't learned to make good choices all the time. And Flower showed sadness for the first time that we weren't going to see her.

I received a text from Mommy Sun about a week later and I suggested today as a visit day. She agreed, we set a time.

Between the messed up visit on the 29th and today Flower has really started asking to see Mommy Sun. Something clicked in her after this one. One day she asked me when we would see her, I told her soon. And then she said "Mommy Sun crying." Hard to know what she really meant but to me it really seemed like she was saying Mommy Sun was crying because we didn't get to see her. So I was glad we had a visit scheduled for today.
Again last night she asked me when we would see her and I told her soon. She got very excited and talked about the gift she got her for Christmas (I'll share that later). My 2 1/2 year old was excited and asking to see her birth mom. This means a lot to me.

So this morning I got a text at 6:30 asking to change the time. it wasn't a time that would work for us so I said no. After another text from her I suggested a different time and requested she confirm. Problem is it's not her phone so I have no idea if she even got it. She doesn't have a phone.
So it's now less than 2 hours before we would have to be in the car and I don't know if we'll be doing the visit or not.

This messed up our morning very much. I was frustrated and I didn't handle it well. I finally told Tinkerbell what was going on. We had started just not telling her about visits because we didn't want her to be hurt about missing her birth mom. So we talked about it this morning and she said she'd rather I tell her about the visits. That she does want Flower to see Mommy Sun it just makes her sad. But that yes she wants to know when they are going to happen. We then talked about Mommy Sun not making visits a priority.

So I've got two girls with broken hearts right now (Although the little one really didn't know about the visit today and is happily watching Nemo next to me at the moment). But we will turn this day around and find something good. And in a few weeks Tinkerbell will be seeing her birth mom and we can't wait for that day.


Kate said...

So glad you will be sing Tinkerbell's bio mom soon. How exciting! And I love Flower's hair in this picture.

Mommy3 said...

Your patience is amazing as is how well you talk with your daughter(s) and are open with what is going on. Praying for you all as you figure out the visit thing. And can't wait to hear about Tinkerbell's visit with her birthmom!